Jealousy as of lately

Hey World,

I’m just going to apologize in advance for this pathetic post. I know you can normally find me under the happy-go-lucky category of blogs about the silly things in life, but today I needed to talk about something where no one else can see. That’s right, no one in my real life knows about this blog. You guys are like my secret friends *virtually hugs all of you, squishing your faces* Alright, let’s start from the beginning.

I’ve had a best friend for 7 years now, and the term best friend doesn’t even come close to justifying this relationship. I love this girl more than life. I can completely be myself around her (which isn’t someone I let everyone see), I’ve had more happy memories with this single person in less than half my lifetime than I’ve had with everyone else I know combined, she’s my other half, she’s molded me into the person I am in multiple ways, I’m so lucky to know her. It makes me sad to think that maybe not everyone has a bond like this. Neither one of us have ever had a boyfriend, until just recently.

I’m happy for her, I honestly am. This guy is cute, smart, nice, and they’re both really into each other. This is an exciting new chapter in her life. This really is awesome. But unfortunately I’m a jealous person (something I don’t like people seeing) and as hard as I’m fighting it, I can’t help but feel a little left out. When I think about it, it stems from more than one place.

1. She’s stunningly beautiful, funny and unique, so naturally she gets all the attention from boys while I’m notorious for having a non existent love life.

2. In high school, she was always mean to boys. I’ve always been nice to boys and it’s gotten me no where.

3. I already feel like I’m missing out on experiences that everyone else my age is having. I don’t go to some big university where I can stop by my new friend’s dorm room at 3am if I want to, I go to a community college and my parents still hold a curfew over me.

4. Lately I’m always a tricycle. So many of my friends are in relationships and I can’t hang out with a friend without feeling like I’m stealing time away from them being with their significant other. More than that, when a friend does ask me to hang out I wonder if he/she got in a fight with their boyfriend/girlfriend and that’s why they suddenly want to see me.

I get jealous, I’m sensitive and while I deny it, I do overreact to a lot of things. I’m trying my hardest to be a good best friend. I just needed to tell someone about it.

Thank  you to all the troopers who read this


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