“Your current situation is not your final destination”

My life has been a whirlwind lately to say the least. I put too much on my plate thinking I could handle it all, but 3 jobs, my first year of college and a relationship were more than I initially bargained for.

I’ve worked at a cafe for well over a year, and have helped out a family by babysitting their two children during the week and sometimes weekends. The cafe paid me minimum wage, and it seemed like every time I came home at night with coffee in my hand, I was complaining about my shift more than anything. My dad informed me one day that a salon was in need of a new receptionist, and suggested I look into it. I got an interview, and was soon making phone calls and sweeping up the snipped off locks of hair on the floor. So there- more money.

In order to graduate college within 4 years, I had to sign up for multiple classes, adding up to 18 credits just from my spring semester. I worked hard. Harder than I ever did in high school. I stayed up late to write papers and woke up early to review for a math quiz. I’d scramble to finish lab reports in my hour between classes and never skipped in the entire year. Finals came and grades were posted, I achieved a 4.0 GPA. So there- good grades.

I met a boy around February. We went to the same school and one day he asked me if I would meet him at a Starbucks. I loved the way he wore hats backwards and how he’d ask me if he were annoying me when he rambled on about technology and alternative rock bands. He held my hand when we drove around in his car and he was always the first person to say ‘Good morning’ to me. I always said I could never date a smoker, but when he smoked it didn’t bother me. After going on dinner dates in the city and watching movies in my basement we decided to make it official. So there- my first boyfriend.

People saw me as a hard-working young adult. I managed to do it all! Yep. I dragged myself between jobs for a little bit of money and made it through essay after essay with the motivation of anxiety attacks. Everyone liked the pictures I posted of my boyfriend and I, saying how we were so cute together and they were all so happy for me. Well I’m glad they had their happiness because I’ve been losing mine.

They saw my relationship status change months ago, but no one was around to witness the 2 incidences where we almost went back to being single. No one stepped in to break up the fights that led to our fall out, and no one noticed the bright blue color of my eyes fade to a dull grey. Maybe I’m just good at makeup.

I’ve been dealing with chronic infections for the past 2 months, and I never realized until now how good health truly is a gift. I’ve been praying to get better, and the other night I meditated with spirit candles and healing crystals. I felt a force sway my stable body from side to side, and I watched myself pass through the universe.

Things have been hard, but I’m determined to see the best of my journey. It’s all a learning process, and I have to believe that this will all help me grow. I’ll keep smiling and making others smile in return.

Much love,

Jessie

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