Hiking boots? I have knock-off Vans, does that count? No? Ok. 

Hello world! 

I just thought I’d show you some pretty pretty pictures from the last few days of my road trip. 



Seeeeeee? Pretty. Just like your face. 

So the first photo was taken at Yellow Stone park. I’m not sure there’s anything quite like it in the world, at least nothing I’ve yet seen.  We hiked in zigzags up and down mountains surrounded by trees overlooking waterfalls and saw herds of bison everywhere. One even was walking on the road, holding up traffic and it sauntered right past our car. We could’ve reached out and touched it if you know, there wasn’t a chance of it angrily ramming our Honda. 

The second photo was taken in the Teton Mountains in Wyoming. They’re my dad’s favorite mountain range and I guess it runs in the family because they’re my favorite too now. We met some friendly bikers along the way and I thought they complimented the landscape perfectly. I’m not much of a heat person so the 55°F weather was perfect to me. 





And this final photo was taken at a coffee shop I just visited! They roast their own beans and the floor is decorated with different antique coffee bean sacks. I got a vanilla lattee as usual. 

So that’s what I have for now, dear readers. I hope your week is as cool as you. 

Love,

Jessie 

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Tell me when we cross the state line. I wanna see if it has a snapchat filter.

Hello world!

I’ve had a very busy summer so far, and it led me to have almost no time for blogging, drawing, sleeping, the usual. But my summer courses ended yesterday and I’m currently writing on the go. My family and I are taking a road trip around the country so I’ll finally have a clean break from school and work. Thank the lord. 

I’ll keep you updated on my escapades as I document them in my handy dandy diary. (I decorated it. See?)

Voilá. Oh also, I dyed my hair purple just a bit. Sadly I’ve failed to take any good selfies with my unnatural pigment BUT WHEN I DO I’ll share it with you. 

Ok love you bye

~Jessie

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Oh you found my journal ok

As promised, here’s a poem I’ve written. 

I don’t know that I believe in soul mates anymore. I know that you were my light, a little star I tossed into the sky to make my night a little less dim. I know that I followed you, and I wished on you with every meander and dead end. What I don’t understand is how eight years were forgotten through a single phone call. I never really felt alone until my only company were your footprints on the beach, and I never really felt small until I realized how vast the ocean was without you swimming beside me. I thought I cut my heel on a shard of glass, but it was only another one of your promises. 

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Can I lay on your couch and talk about my problems

Yesterday I did something I told myself I would never do ever again – I went back to therapy.

My mom believes my boyfriend is bad news, and insisted that if I wouldn’t talk to her or my dad about anything the least I could do was tell a therapist. At first I was mad, like, really mad. I stormed out of my parents’ room and flopped face-first onto my bed. I’m in college, why did my mom think it was acceptable to schedule an appointment with a therapist for me without even asking me if that’s something I wanted? Then I realized that most times people who need therapy go because they’re being forced to attend. Maybe this actually was something I needed.

By morning I felt better and reluctantly agreed. I’d go for my mom so she could have some peace of mind. I don’t plan on being a mother any time soon, but as I grow up I’m beginning to understand what it must feel like to be a parent. My doctor’s office was only a town away and took me about 15 minutes to reach. I was thankful that I could drive myself there, it gave me a greater sense of independence. I passed coffee shops and bookstores on my way, delighted at how adorable the downtown area was. I entered the office and handed over my insurance information, then filled out legal forms.

As she opened the door, my therapist looked exactly as I remembered her 3 years ago. Her short layers flared out at the ends and she wore a floral scarf over her blazer. I was impressed at how much she remembered about my life, from my grades in high school to family vacations. We shared small talk about college and our new puppies, then a melancholy silence reminded us of the real reason I sat on her sofa.

I told her about my relationship, the way things slipped out of our hands before we knew what was happening. She told me it was evident that after just 3 months of dating someone I had grown tremendously. She was appalled at how I felt I was wasting all of his time, nothing was wasted she said. We talked for an hour, then I signed a check and she scribbled in her calendar. I’ll be seeing her again next week.

It took a few days and multiple cups of tea for me to realize that going to therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. I attended it for 5 years in the past and took a 3 year break, and that’s fantastic. I’ve made so much progress with my old struggles, and I just so happen to be facing a new obstacle. Kudos to my readers who keep in touch with a therapist as well.

So much love,

Jessie

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“Your current situation is not your final destination”

My life has been a whirlwind lately to say the least. I put too much on my plate thinking I could handle it all, but 3 jobs, my first year of college and a relationship were more than I initially bargained for.

I’ve worked at a cafe for well over a year, and have helped out a family by babysitting their two children during the week and sometimes weekends. The cafe paid me minimum wage, and it seemed like every time I came home at night with coffee in my hand, I was complaining about my shift more than anything. My dad informed me one day that a salon was in need of a new receptionist, and suggested I look into it. I got an interview, and was soon making phone calls and sweeping up the snipped off locks of hair on the floor. So there- more money.

In order to graduate college within 4 years, I had to sign up for multiple classes, adding up to 18 credits just from my spring semester. I worked hard. Harder than I ever did in high school. I stayed up late to write papers and woke up early to review for a math quiz. I’d scramble to finish lab reports in my hour between classes and never skipped in the entire year. Finals came and grades were posted, I achieved a 4.0 GPA. So there- good grades.

I met a boy around February. We went to the same school and one day he asked me if I would meet him at a Starbucks. I loved the way he wore hats backwards and how he’d ask me if he were annoying me when he rambled on about technology and alternative rock bands. He held my hand when we drove around in his car and he was always the first person to say ‘Good morning’ to me. I always said I could never date a smoker, but when he smoked it didn’t bother me. After going on dinner dates in the city and watching movies in my basement we decided to make it official. So there- my first boyfriend.

People saw me as a hard-working young adult. I managed to do it all! Yep. I dragged myself between jobs for a little bit of money and made it through essay after essay with the motivation of anxiety attacks. Everyone liked the pictures I posted of my boyfriend and I, saying how we were so cute together and they were all so happy for me. Well I’m glad they had their happiness because I’ve been losing mine.

They saw my relationship status change months ago, but no one was around to witness the 2 incidences where we almost went back to being single. No one stepped in to break up the fights that led to our fall out, and no one noticed the bright blue color of my eyes fade to a dull grey. Maybe I’m just good at makeup.

I’ve been dealing with chronic infections for the past 2 months, and I never realized until now how good health truly is a gift. I’ve been praying to get better, and the other night I meditated with spirit candles and healing crystals. I felt a force sway my stable body from side to side, and I watched myself pass through the universe.

Things have been hard, but I’m determined to see the best of my journey. It’s all a learning process, and I have to believe that this will all help me grow. I’ll keep smiling and making others smile in return.

Much love,

Jessie

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Who Air You

My school year is being reduced to its last 3 weeks. I can’t believe I’m almost done with my first two semesters of college, it seems like just yesterday I was a sophomore in high school wearing too many bobby pins in my hair and being rejected by every school play. 

My class had conferences with our English professor today, and she told me the synthesis I wrote was the best she’s read in her teaching career. I couldn’t stop smiling. Especially because I wrote that half asleep at 11:30 pm. Shh. 

I’m sitting in a starbucks now reading a book called “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” and the girl across from me just turned her laptop to face me and said “would you eat this” it was a 4 foot Kit Kat bar. I think it’s safe to say that I just made a new friend. 

In other news, I’ll most likely be dying my hair a light silver-lavender color! I just have to find someone with the expertise I need. 

I hope you all feel proud of yourselves for something today! If you’re reading this that means you’re awake, you go. 

Love,

Jessie :3

Categories: college | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Previously in My Life

Hey World! Alright, I know I said I would keep in touch more and I let you all down again. I am sorry.

However, something monumental has happened. To give you guys a wider insight to my life, it wasn’t always so happy go lucky. I had some bad experiences growing up, being bullied by my terrible, terrible friends and such. Because I had so much pent up sadness and no outlet for any of it, I began turning to the unfortunate measure of self-injuring to deal with my problems. This went on for some time, until I decided I wanted to get better. I told my mom about my habits and was soon sitting in the office of a therapist.

I chose to recover because I wanted to feel happy again. I felt I lost my childlike innocence years before, rather it was taken right out of my hands. I couldn’t remember what sunlight felt like, and getting out of bed each morning terrified me. I wanted to stop feeling so lost all the time, and that’s why I reached out for help.

Some parts of recovery were easy, happy days made me forget about the bad ones, and how could I possibly want to hurt myself when I was finally laughing again? Sometimes getting better was effortless. And then some parts of recovery were excruciating. So many nights I’d stay up worrying or crying until 4 AM, knowing it would be so easy to just slip back under the riptide. I can safely share with you all that I’m 4 years free of self-injury. Picking myself back up has been amazing.

I want you all to know that no matter what you’re going through, you’re gonna be ok. I promise you, you will be ok. Right now someone is thinking of you, and somebody loves you more than you’ll ever comprehend. There are so many sunny days ahead of you that will make any bad experience worth enduring. You’ll get stronger everyday and overcome anything you’re being faced with.

I love you all,

Jessie- the girl who still smiles

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I just realized I never titled this post so I changed it to this

Hello world! How is my favorite planet doing??

This post is brought to you by my iPhone, I’ve never actually blogged on mobile so let’s hope for the best. It’s finally spring break which means I didn’t get out of bed until 11:47 AM today. What a time to be alive :’) I haven’t done anything exciting yet, just exercising a little and visiting my grandma!

I was making coffee earlier and I was all worried that Oliver (my new puppy) didn’t like me very much because whenever I try to hold him he turns into an escape artist whereas he literally gets a first-class ticket to dreamland when my sisters or mom pick him up. So I was thinking about that when I felt something fluffy plop down on my feet and there was Oliver, sleeping on my bare feet. I’ve attached a photo of him so you can absorb his cuteness as well. Another thing that’s been clouding my conscious lately is my hair. I’ve gone through multiple periods of being caught between wanting to transform into Rapunzel, or cut off all my locks. Right now I want to cut it to about my collar bones, maybe a little shorter and get choppy layers. 

Oh and another thing, I want to dye it pink.

WELL, I think I’ll spend some time jamming to pop punk, cleaning my room and making some cool art. Have a great day my wonderful readers! I appreciate you all and hope something exciting and unexpected happens to you real soon! 

Ps here’s a selfie for you

LOVE

Jessie :3

Categories: college, pets | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

When will I stop procrastinating? The world may never know.

Hello World! How are you this delightful Sunday morning? (rain is falling / steal some covers / share some skin) Did you catch that early 2000’s Maroon 5 reference? Of course you did because you’re musically hip and not uncultured. You go.

Oh my gosh I just missed 11:11. I had literally looked at my phone, it was 11:10, I texted someone, and I missed it. How did I take over an entire minute just to text? I didn’t even say much! Wow I must be a slow texter. Guess I have to wait another 12 hours to make a wish.

Commercial break over. Aaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

I’m in an unexpected great mood today. Maybe it’s just because I got more sleep than I normally do. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately because I just have big assignment after big assignment in school lately, and being at work takes away any free time to mentally charge myself. So just picture an American girl dragging herself to her car with a low batter sign blinking above her head. That is me.

I do however have some great news. Yesterday one of my mom’s friends shared a post on facebook about a new litter of puppies that were rescued from a shelter and brought to a pet store near us. My family and I went there together to “just look” and “consider” getting a new one. Ha. Real funny, Mom you knew exactly what you were doing. Sooooo we’re officially getting a new dog! He’s a 9 week old Beagle-Shetland Sheepdog mutt and is ADORABLE. We named him Oliver and will call him Oli for short. I’m so excited for him, we don’t get to bring him home until Tuesday though. But when he comes here I’m going to take him on walks and let him sleep in my bed and teach him how to roll over and hope that he doesn’t try to eat my hamster.

Things are also going well with my boyfriend! Last night was interesting, we were just hanging out and were about to leave to go to his friend’s house when I started to not feel well and just became really unresponsive. I wasn’t sure what I felt like doing and was preoccupied with worrying over feeling worse once we got to his friend’s house. So then I started crying and he was like NO DON’T CRY IT’S OK and I didn’t want him to look at me with my makeup running and my hair sticking to my black river tears so I just got out of the car and staring walking around. I didn’t even know where I was going but not even 2 seconds later he ran after me and hugged me.

Who does that? I can honestly say I’ve never had anyone go out of their way to make sure I’m ok as much as he does. He’s so wonderful, God I’m so lucky to have him. I hope everyone reading this someday finds someone who makes them feel as special and loved as he does for me.

I’m going to be here for a while longer spending some quality time with my laptop. I have a super fun research essay to continue working on. Super SUPER FUN. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN. 

Well alright, I should probably actually go now before I accidentally break the internet. But it was lovely talking to you, let’s catch up again sometime soon. Love you all.

-Jessie

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Wow look at all this dust on my computer

BREAKING NEWS

THE LOWLY BLOGGER BY THE SCREEN NAME OF THATGIRLWHOALWAYSSMILES IS NO LONGER MISSING. SHE HAS BEEN FOUND, AND SAFELY TRANSPORTED TO A SAFER PLACE WITH COFFEE AND INTERNET. 

Sup World, miss me? In all seriousness, I’d like to apologize for how long I’ve been logged off of this site. I didn’t even realize until today that the last time I blogged was when my dog died. I guess between dealing with that, serving caffeinated drinks to crazy customers and trying to be a better student- life just got in the way. I’m taking 5 courses, which averaged out to 18 credit hours this semester. I don’t know if the credit system is used in other countries for education, so for all you exotic readers just know that it’s a lot of homework. And to all my readers from the Land of the Eagle, ya feel me?? Yeah.

I actually have to get to my speech class (which is awesome by the way) in about 10 minutes but before I go, I thought I’d share with you guys that I’m dating someone!! 😀 Gosh, where do I even begin? We met at school, he’s my age, he’s super smart and funny and caring and attentive, he’s tall and has the cutest face I’ve ever seen. He does the sweetest things like, one time *adjusts sitting position* we were on a walk and I was wearing Toms which wasn’t a smart idea considering we live in an arctic tundra, but anyway- there was snow covering some parts of the sidewalk, and I didn’t even ask him to, he just picked me up and carried me over!  :’) We hold hands all the time, it just happens without us even realizing most of the time. He never lets a day go by without making me feel special and that’s something no one else has ever attempted to do. Honestly my lovely readers, I could dedicate an entire blog about this boy and it still wouldn’t be enough to tell you about how wonderful he really is. I’m so lucky to know him.

I should really go to class, but it feels so great to be sipping mediocre coffee in my over heated school and tell you all about the recent escapades of my life. I promise to keep in better touch. If you’re having a bad day, I hope it gets better! And if you’re having a good day, I’m happy things are going well! Smile at a stranger for me today, ok?

Much love,

Jessie

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