Posts Tagged With: advice

New Year’s, New Tears, New…Leers

Raise your hand if you have successfully stuck to your New Year’s resolutions 20 days into 2016.

*exasperated, disgruntled response*

Okay I see that 20 days has deemed too challenging. That’s okay! Being honest, I think resolutions are a little silly. Why do we wait for a year to start to begin making changes in our lives? If we were really serious about altering our realities we would do it the moment we believed we could. Doesn’t matter if it’s the first thing you think of when you wake up on April 4th or if it appeared to you in a dream on October 17th. If you’re really serious about a resolution, don’t wait for January! Just go out and do it!

As long as we’re on the topic of silly things, I happen to think New Year’s in general is silly. Yes time exists but the measurement of time is all man-made. Why do we get dressed up and throw glitter when a year ends? Oh look, it’s midnight. Again. Never seen that happen before. More than anything it’s just an excuse for people to get drunk but we already have a holiday for that. It’s called St. Patrick’s Day. (No I am  not insulting the Irish, I’m Irish myself and I know what goes on. I SEE YOU.)

Many people don’t stick to their resolutions because they’re changes that take gradual steps to accomplish, they’re too big to just happen spontaneously. They’re usually things like “I’m going to lose a lot of weight,” or “I’m going to eliminate all negativity from my life.” Those are great aspirations when needed! But they’re not going to be effortless. I’ve brainstormed some different ideas for making those big resolutions possible.

-Resolution: Become physically fit     Attempt: Works out each day for first 4 days of the year, tries all new diet for a week, starts taking vitamins, gives up quickly.

Whether you’re overweight or lacking serious nutrients, becoming a healthier individual is not something that happens overnight. In order to make lifelong changes, progress will take months and probably years to uphold. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible though! What’s best is to evaluate your daily routine and implement gradual changes into your life a few times a week. It could be dangerous for your body to just begin running frequently or pumping iron, so it’s best to talk to your doctor and see what’s safe for you.

Instead of telling yourself that you’re going to work out every single day and swear off junk food for as long as you live, be a bit more lenient to begin. Try setting aside time to take a walk a few times a week, or lift small weights while you watch TV. Perhaps decide that you will only eat desert 3-4 times a week rather than every single day. Introduce new foods into your diet! Maybe the only reason you aren’t eating enough healthy foods is simply because you have no idea about all the delicious recipes there are. Don’t weigh yourself every single day. That’s obsessive and chances are you’ll just wind up feeling disappointed or discouraged since it takes a long time to actually change your current weight. Instead of marking your goal weight every 2 weeks on your calendar, make broad statements. Just say that you’ll be at ___lbs by May or June.

-Resolution: Defeat the dreaded caffeine addiction      Attempt: Doesn’t drink coffee for two days, suffers serious headache, relapses, is never seen without a latee ever again.

Letting go of coffee is physically and emotionally difficult. Not only do we experience serious cravings for our drink (and can become seriously irritable without it) but knowing that we’re about to drink coffee can seemingly lift our moods and make us excited! Coffee is a beautiful thing but the effects that caffeine intake can have on our lives are not so pretty. It effects our sleep schedule, dehydrates us, and can lead to symptoms of depression or anxiety.

Next time you order coffee, ask for half-caf instead. If you don’t need a pick-me-up and are just wanting coffee, order decaff. Try switching to black tea. It has half the amount of caffeine as coffee does so it’ll wake you up, just not as aggressively. You should also consider trying to start drinking a glass of water for every caffeinated drink you have!

-Resolution: Have better self-esteem      Attempt: ??????

How do you change your life? How do you suddenly just start loving yourself? This is something that people have to learn on their own for the most part, but there definitely are some things that anyone can pick up. First off, adopt this mentality: “If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.” Stop putting yourself down all the time and start complimenting yourself. It could be about anything, maybe you like that your hair is shiny or that your fingers are long enough to be able to play piano. Leave little notes of encouragement around your house. Journal. Sometimes when it comes to confidence, all you can do is fake it until you make it.

As for me, my resolution was been pretty easy to stick to considering it’s just staying vegetarian and I have no desire to eat meat. Even if you haven’t been loyal to the changes you wanted to make, you can always try again or change your approach. If you wait until next year you’ll never get it done!

 

Categories: holidays, New Year's | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Remember when they changed Cookie Monster to Veggie Monster?! That’s me.

As I sit here and type this, I cry because there is no coffee in my house. (I’m not actually crying.) (But I am making noises that resemble a distressed fox.) I could go out and buy myself a latte, but today is Sunday. I do not look like a person on Sunday.

New thing: I’m considering going vegetarian. Well I’ve been considering it, now I’m actually making steps toward a transition. It started a few weeks ago, all of the sudden I just got really tired of meat. When I would come home from work and see that my mom had made some type of dish with chicken, it was all suddenly so unappealing to me and even made me slightly nauseous. I wanted nothing to do with meat and just craved salads constantly. I began to talk to vegetarians I know to see what made them change their diet and what they liked about it.

I realized that the only real benefit eating meat gives me is that it suppresses my appetite for longer periods of time than other food groups do, but it also leaves me feeling very lethargic. I started going to Whole Foods a lot with my best friend at the beginning of summer and each time I did I would grab sushi or load up on veggies. Not only did it suppress my appetite but it left me so energized! You don’t understand. I would turn into a firecracker. That’s how energized. Loading up on vegetables also made me more productive and helped with my mood greatly!

I told my parents about how I would like to change my diet. I thought they were going to not be supportive but they were just surprised and want to make sure I still eat enough. I’m not underweight, but I am skinny and relatively tall for a girl so I’m not interested in losing any weight. Plus I technically have a gluten intolerance so I would have to make sure I don’t replace meat with a ton of wheat by accident. That would be atrocious.

For now I think I’ll start by being pescatarian and introduce more tofu, eggs and nuts into my diet. I’ll also avoid any fast food meat. I read on No Meat Athlete that one way to change your diet is to start by not using the word “never”. Don’t try to go cold turkey (hahaha pun) with vegetarianism because that’s usually how people crack after a week. Start by setting yourself small goals and see how you feel from doing that! My first goal is to go one week without meat.

I’m excited to try this! It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and I don’t feel like putting it off again. I’m gonna go now though, I need to find a way to get some coffee.

Categories: diet, vegetarian | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To the Girl who is His Next

Over the years I’ve seen a ton of posts on Facebook or Tumblr that are letters written by one person addressed to their ex’s current significant other. In light of recent events I thought I would try it.

To the girl who is his next-

You do not know me, and I may not know of you for quite some time. If he is the same person he was months ago then I would imagine his habits are unchanged and he has a list of spiteful stories about me. I don’t care for what he says about me nor do I care if you believe them. That’s not the purpose behind my intentions. You can ignore this letter if you wish. Tear it in two, burn it, laugh about it with your friends, present it to him as you slide into his car. It doesn’t bother me. 

He’s charming, isn’t he? The depth in his eyes and the way he searched for my touch melted me from the start and I’d imagine he works the same magic on you. He made me feel noticed. I was an apple on a tree. Crowded among hundreds and hidden beneath boughs and boughs of leaves. He climbed the branches and reached for me. Me! I was the one who caught his eye when I didn’t think a trace of sunlight could find me.

I won’t tell you that he’s a terrible person because that’s not the case. I’m not here to list the number of fights we had or tally who caused them. Yes I am the one who ended things but it wasn’t because of anything he did. In the simplest explanation, I felt unhappy and unfulfilled. The feeling that I didn’t belong with him crept into me over the course of months and it was something I couldn’t wash away. I tried to let him know how I felt but it’s clear that my efforts weren’t enough. I thought I was doing the kind thing by waiting to have that conversation with him. I knew that if I confessed to him my doubts he would suffer from that moment until it was over. I was trying to save his happiness and sanity. He probably doesn’t understand that I never meant to be malicious or keep him in the dark, and I really did try everything I could to keep us together. I’m sure he’s probably very suspicious and distrusting of your true feelings for him and I bet if you’re anything like me you put a lot of work into reassuring him. I guess that’s my fault he’s paranoid although I can’t hold responsibility for his current actions. I didn’t bring a single burden of my past to our present even though it would’ve been so easy to do.

He needs a lot of love. Do your best to be patient and understanding, never take too long to text him back and make sure your plans together are your top priority. It’ll save you so much unnecessary trouble later on. I met his nearly his entire family except for his mother. Don’t be afraid to meet her, he always told me she wouldn’t judge me to my face. He’ll never get tired of holding your hand and he loves when you unexpectedly tell him something sweet. But he hates surprises so don’t expect him to wait long before opening presents or letters. He drives fast but he knows what he’s doing and won’t purposefully put you in danger. Don’t fret over wearing makeup around him, he’ll still tell you you’re beautiful and chances are he won’t even detect a difference. His eyes are bigger than his stomach so it’ll very helpful to just share meals with him at restaurants. He boxed for years and loved it but it left him with awful back pain. Rub his back near his shoulders when it gets really bad. Take plenty of photos and text him old ones when he’s having a bad day. It makes him feel better every time. Hold his face in your hand and let him fall asleep on you.

Above all, be honest with him. Even though he might get upset initially, after a while he’ll come to his senses and begin to do whatever it takes to fix a problem. Meet him halfway and appreciate all that he does. He’ll give you everything he’s capable of if you let him. He’ll remember every moment with you and cherish even the horrible ones. I wish you both well. I hope you get to know each other better than he and I allowed us to. I hope he is happy, and I hope you are happy being with him. I hope you love each other and I hope fate doesn’t ask to tear you apart. I hope he is what you have waited for and more.

Sincerely,

His last

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Thatgirlwhoalwayssmiles has changed her relationship status

A year ago I wanted a boyfriend. It’s not something I talked about excessively or wore myself out trying to find. I would mention to my friends or sisters every now and then about a person I had met and how I wondered why they hadn’t texted me back in two days. It wasn’t something I wanted to be superficial about. I’d met countless girls who would refer to their significant other as “my boyfriend” more often than actually stating his name in a sentence. It wouldn’t be a trophy won or experience gained, it was simply something that made me wonder if my life could be shaped differently by having one.

I imagined meeting someone in a coffee shop. He would approach me of course because I would be far too shy to talk to him first. Perhaps we’d have a conversation about a band sticker he noticed on my laptop, and just before he left he’d jot down his number on a scrap of paper so we could talk more about local bands. I would text my best friend in all caps immediately, “YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED” and she would get excited for me and ask me what he looked like and how tall he was and whether he seemed intelligent or not.

I wanted someone to hold my hand and ask about each of my rings, where they came from and why I never took them off. I wanted someone to pay attention to the minuscule things about me- the way I purposefully wore mismatched earrings or how I always sat with my backpack in my lap because I felt more secure holding onto something. I wanted to take someone to art museums and not have to feel rushed, we would actually bask in each artwork and point out tiny details together.

Well one day I actually did meet someone in a coffee shop and he actually did approach me first. We didn’t listen to the same bands but we still texted each other later. He held my hand but was always adjusting because my rings were uncomfortable between his fingers. We went to an art museum together but he was never interested in any of the renaissance paintings. I liked him a lot and he liked me a lot. That was enough for us until it wasn’t.

He didn’t like it when I didn’t text him back quickly and he really didn’t like it when I had to cancel our plans. I found myself apologizing constantly because we were fighting constantly. He always wanted more of my time -more of me- and I began to schedule my weeks around him. Well I’ll get out of school around this time, and I’ll be seeing him a couple hours after that. Wait, I have a test in a couple days. How long will we see each other for? I’ll need time to study but there’s no way I can change our plans now, he’ll flip out. I guess I’ll just have to study before he gets here. And stay up later when he brings me back home. My friends missed me and would ask me to hang out but 9 times out of 10 my reply would be “Sorry, I totally would but he and I already have plans. We’ll find time though.” Except I didn’t find time for them.

We sat so close to each other in restaurant booths but my thoughts were always so far away. My throat felt tight and air was so thin. I stopped doing the things that used to make me happy and I isolated myself from the people who loved me because they didn’t like who I was dating and told me to find someone else. I couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to. The minute I ended it he would fall apart because I was the thing keeping him together. He needed me around for my sunshine when he had a lamp that worked perfectly fine, he just preferred that I be his light. I felt like a hypocrite for teaching him about optimism when it became impossible for me to remain positive. I was no longer resilient and things that were bad, felt bad. I lost my armor.

Perhaps it was the advice from my therapist, or my mother’s sleepless nights, or my friends’ genuine concern, or the prayers I said to angels, or maybe I had just finally had enough. Whatever the reason was it helped me decide to end it. It was brutal, excruciating, and torturous. I cried for days and forgot to eat which caused me to lose 6 pounds in under a week. He blamed me mercilessly, then turned the tables and insisted that it was all his fault but he was sorry and promised to do whatever it took to keep us together. If he had kept his promises that he made months ago I might have believed him.

We don’t talk much anymore and it’s strange to not be in constant communication with him all day. I’m not used to my schedule being so relatively open but I finally have time to clean my room and paint landscapes. I’ve decided to stop finding blame. If I had better communication with him maybe we could’ve worked things out, but then again he shouldn’t have been treating me poorly in the first place. The bottom line was that I was unhappy and postponed my own well being for far too long. I still have my ups and downs but the lows aren’t quite so crushing anymore. I’ll simply feel a sinking pain in my chest that subsides after a moment or two. Even with everything that’s happened I don’t regret being with him. I grew from an unpleasant experience but at least I grew. I’m not thinking about relationships right now. I just want to be a college student that finds extreme happiness in simplicity once again.

If you’re reading this please remember that you’re valued beyond belief and you deserve to be with someone that proves that to you each day. Love shouldn’t hurt.

-Jessie

Categories: relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Can I lay on your couch and talk about my problems

Yesterday I did something I told myself I would never do ever again – I went back to therapy.

My mom believes my boyfriend is bad news, and insisted that if I wouldn’t talk to her or my dad about anything the least I could do was tell a therapist. At first I was mad, like, really mad. I stormed out of my parents’ room and flopped face-first onto my bed. I’m in college, why did my mom think it was acceptable to schedule an appointment with a therapist for me without even asking me if that’s something I wanted? Then I realized that most times people who need therapy go because they’re being forced to attend. Maybe this actually was something I needed.

By morning I felt better and reluctantly agreed. I’d go for my mom so she could have some peace of mind. I don’t plan on being a mother any time soon, but as I grow up I’m beginning to understand what it must feel like to be a parent. My doctor’s office was only a town away and took me about 15 minutes to reach. I was thankful that I could drive myself there, it gave me a greater sense of independence. I passed coffee shops and bookstores on my way, delighted at how adorable the downtown area was. I entered the office and handed over my insurance information, then filled out legal forms.

As she opened the door, my therapist looked exactly as I remembered her 3 years ago. Her short layers flared out at the ends and she wore a floral scarf over her blazer. I was impressed at how much she remembered about my life, from my grades in high school to family vacations. We shared small talk about college and our new puppies, then a melancholy silence reminded us of the real reason I sat on her sofa.

I told her about my relationship, the way things slipped out of our hands before we knew what was happening. She told me it was evident that after just 3 months of dating someone I had grown tremendously. She was appalled at how I felt I was wasting all of his time, nothing was wasted she said. We talked for an hour, then I signed a check and she scribbled in her calendar. I’ll be seeing her again next week.

It took a few days and multiple cups of tea for me to realize that going to therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. I attended it for 5 years in the past and took a 3 year break, and that’s fantastic. I’ve made so much progress with my old struggles, and I just so happen to be facing a new obstacle. Kudos to my readers who keep in touch with a therapist as well.

So much love,

Jessie

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“Your current situation is not your final destination”

My life has been a whirlwind lately to say the least. I put too much on my plate thinking I could handle it all, but 3 jobs, my first year of college and a relationship were more than I initially bargained for.

I’ve worked at a cafe for well over a year, and have helped out a family by babysitting their two children during the week and sometimes weekends. The cafe paid me minimum wage, and it seemed like every time I came home at night with coffee in my hand, I was complaining about my shift more than anything. My dad informed me one day that a salon was in need of a new receptionist, and suggested I look into it. I got an interview, and was soon making phone calls and sweeping up the snipped off locks of hair on the floor. So there- more money.

In order to graduate college within 4 years, I had to sign up for multiple classes, adding up to 18 credits just from my spring semester. I worked hard. Harder than I ever did in high school. I stayed up late to write papers and woke up early to review for a math quiz. I’d scramble to finish lab reports in my hour between classes and never skipped in the entire year. Finals came and grades were posted, I achieved a 4.0 GPA. So there- good grades.

I met a boy around February. We went to the same school and one day he asked me if I would meet him at a Starbucks. I loved the way he wore hats backwards and how he’d ask me if he were annoying me when he rambled on about technology and alternative rock bands. He held my hand when we drove around in his car and he was always the first person to say ‘Good morning’ to me. I always said I could never date a smoker, but when he smoked it didn’t bother me. After going on dinner dates in the city and watching movies in my basement we decided to make it official. So there- my first boyfriend.

People saw me as a hard-working young adult. I managed to do it all! Yep. I dragged myself between jobs for a little bit of money and made it through essay after essay with the motivation of anxiety attacks. Everyone liked the pictures I posted of my boyfriend and I, saying how we were so cute together and they were all so happy for me. Well I’m glad they had their happiness because I’ve been losing mine.

They saw my relationship status change months ago, but no one was around to witness the 2 incidences where we almost went back to being single. No one stepped in to break up the fights that led to our fall out, and no one noticed the bright blue color of my eyes fade to a dull grey. Maybe I’m just good at makeup.

I’ve been dealing with chronic infections for the past 2 months, and I never realized until now how good health truly is a gift. I’ve been praying to get better, and the other night I meditated with spirit candles and healing crystals. I felt a force sway my stable body from side to side, and I watched myself pass through the universe.

Things have been hard, but I’m determined to see the best of my journey. It’s all a learning process, and I have to believe that this will all help me grow. I’ll keep smiling and making others smile in return.

Much love,

Jessie

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Previously in My Life

Hey World! Alright, I know I said I would keep in touch more and I let you all down again. I am sorry.

However, something monumental has happened. To give you guys a wider insight to my life, it wasn’t always so happy go lucky. I had some bad experiences growing up, being bullied by my terrible, terrible friends and such. Because I had so much pent up sadness and no outlet for any of it, I began turning to the unfortunate measure of self-injuring to deal with my problems. This went on for some time, until I decided I wanted to get better. I told my mom about my habits and was soon sitting in the office of a therapist.

I chose to recover because I wanted to feel happy again. I felt I lost my childlike innocence years before, rather it was taken right out of my hands. I couldn’t remember what sunlight felt like, and getting out of bed each morning terrified me. I wanted to stop feeling so lost all the time, and that’s why I reached out for help.

Some parts of recovery were easy, happy days made me forget about the bad ones, and how could I possibly want to hurt myself when I was finally laughing again? Sometimes getting better was effortless. And then some parts of recovery were excruciating. So many nights I’d stay up worrying or crying until 4 AM, knowing it would be so easy to just slip back under the riptide. I can safely share with you all that I’m 4 years free of self-injury. Picking myself back up has been amazing.

I want you all to know that no matter what you’re going through, you’re gonna be ok. I promise you, you will be ok. Right now someone is thinking of you, and somebody loves you more than you’ll ever comprehend. There are so many sunny days ahead of you that will make any bad experience worth enduring. You’ll get stronger everyday and overcome anything you’re being faced with.

I love you all,

Jessie- the girl who still smiles

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Impending Afro

Hey World!

I don’t remember the last time I blogged and that disgusts me. My dear readers I’m so sorry for neglecting you. I’ll be sending a box of puppies with an apology note attached soon. My winter break is almost over and I’ll be shuffling back to school this coming Wednesday. Although I’ll miss sleeping in and drinking hot chocolate at home all day, I’d say I’m ready to go back.

I’ve been extremely back and forth for the past few months on whether I should cut my hair or not. I’ve been growing it out for around 3 years now, and it’s down to the middle of my back I’d say. Knowing that it took that long to reach this point, I’ve been worried that cutting it to my jaw line is something I’d regret. When suddenly, *heavenly light and angels’ singing* I got an idea. I could just dye it.

So there I was at Target in the hair aisle. I settled for a temporary dye, since this would be my first time coloring my hair and seeing that I’d be doing it myself; it wouldn’t be professional. I spent a little less than an hour in front of the mirror in my bathroom. Listening to music is probably the only reason I remained sane. I managed to pull off an ombre, the color fading from my natural chestnut to a faint red.

It’s temporary, they said. It’ll wash out, they said. NO LASTING DAMAGE, THEY SAID.

I’ll take the blame for this one, I pretty much picked the worst possible time of year to dye my hair. Temperatures in the negatives and chemical treatments simply were more than it could handle. I’ve always had thick hair, but this is a new record. Since my mane dried out so much, it became frizzy and insanely voluminous. Long story short, I’ve been a punk-pop poodle for the past 5 days.

Fear not dear readers, for I may have found the cure. I give to you, wait for it….. *ukulele intro* THE O EXOTIC COCONUT. OIL. All I really need is a deep conditioning, so I rifled though my kitchen cabinet to find a beautiful jar of unrefined coconut oil. My hair smells GREAT. If you close your eyes and stick your face in my over-excited pony tail you might just think you’re in Hawaii. Ok, that’s a lie but it does smell fantastic. ^_^ Real talk though, organic coconut oil has multiple health and beauty benefits that you should all check out!

I’m gonna go back to laying on the floor in the fetal position, take care now!! ❤
-Jessie

Categories: beauty, college | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m really sorry, what’s your name again?

HEy World!

This is my first year participating in NANOWRIMO (national novel writing month) and it’s going well so far! I’ve been wanting to do this since 7th grade but either my parents wouldn’t let me or I would always forget. But now I’m in college. Which means I’m an adult now. (not really but it’s ok.)

So far I don’t have a solid plot line yet, just mainly working on character and setting development. Also I still don’t have a name for my main character yet D: but I can’t name her until it absolutely feels right. It’ll come to me.

Or.

Maybe you guys could help. *smug smile* I’ll list some of her traits and if you come up with anything you find fitting, please comment! I would love some new ideas!! 😀

She’s 24 years old and lives in her own apartment, no roommates. Also she doesn’t have any pets. (I should really give her a dog though) She has long brown hair and I think green eyes. Tall and stylish. Listens to Jack Johnson a lot. She works at a diner called Cutie Pies and her boss totally sucks but she puts up with it because she has no other option. She’s very independant, party due to the fact that she has trust issues. She’s not looking for a relationship because again, trust issues. She’s intelligent and likes to read. Secretly she reads poetry as well. She doesn’t have the closest ties with her family but she loves her friends, although she doesn’t express it much. She isn’t a very emotional/lovey-dovey person. She’s sarcastic and witty, but the entertaining kind.

So yeah, if you have any suggestions please let me know! I’ve been thinking about naming her Rory but I’m not sure.

Have a wonderful day, and it’s not too late to start writing!!

-thatgirlwhoalwayssmiles

Categories: writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

SOS

Hello World!

I am currently in the midst of a study break from environmental biology. There is something that has always bothered me. For some reason my little profile picture won’t appear! I don’t know if this has anything to do with the type of blog I have or what- but could someone please help??

I’ll be your best friend! 😀

Thanks a bunch
-thatgirlwhoalwayssmiles

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