Posts Tagged With: college

“Your current situation is not your final destination”

My life has been a whirlwind lately to say the least. I put too much on my plate thinking I could handle it all, but 3 jobs, my first year of college and a relationship were more than I initially bargained for.

I’ve worked at a cafe for well over a year, and have helped out a family by babysitting their two children during the week and sometimes weekends. The cafe paid me minimum wage, and it seemed like every time I came home at night with coffee in my hand, I was complaining about my shift more than anything. My dad informed me one day that a salon was in need of a new receptionist, and suggested I look into it. I got an interview, and was soon making phone calls and sweeping up the snipped off locks of hair on the floor. So there- more money.

In order to graduate college within 4 years, I had to sign up for multiple classes, adding up to 18 credits just from my spring semester. I worked hard. Harder than I ever did in high school. I stayed up late to write papers and woke up early to review for a math quiz. I’d scramble to finish lab reports in my hour between classes and never skipped in the entire year. Finals came and grades were posted, I achieved a 4.0 GPA. So there- good grades.

I met a boy around February. We went to the same school and one day he asked me if I would meet him at a Starbucks. I loved the way he wore hats backwards and how he’d ask me if he were annoying me when he rambled on about technology and alternative rock bands. He held my hand when we drove around in his car and he was always the first person to say ‘Good morning’ to me. I always said I could never date a smoker, but when he smoked it didn’t bother me. After going on dinner dates in the city and watching movies in my basement we decided to make it official. So there- my first boyfriend.

People saw me as a hard-working young adult. I managed to do it all! Yep. I dragged myself between jobs for a little bit of money and made it through essay after essay with the motivation of anxiety attacks. Everyone liked the pictures I posted of my boyfriend and I, saying how we were so cute together and they were all so happy for me. Well I’m glad they had their happiness because I’ve been losing mine.

They saw my relationship status change months ago, but no one was around to witness the 2 incidences where we almost went back to being single. No one stepped in to break up the fights that led to our fall out, and no one noticed the bright blue color of my eyes fade to a dull grey. Maybe I’m just good at makeup.

I’ve been dealing with chronic infections for the past 2 months, and I never realized until now how good health truly is a gift. I’ve been praying to get better, and the other night I meditated with spirit candles and healing crystals. I felt a force sway my stable body from side to side, and I watched myself pass through the universe.

Things have been hard, but I’m determined to see the best of my journey. It’s all a learning process, and I have to believe that this will all help me grow. I’ll keep smiling and making others smile in return.

Much love,


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Who Air You

My school year is being reduced to its last 3 weeks. I can’t believe I’m almost done with my first two semesters of college, it seems like just yesterday I was a sophomore in high school wearing too many bobby pins in my hair and being rejected by every school play. 

My class had conferences with our English professor today, and she told me the synthesis I wrote was the best she’s read in her teaching career. I couldn’t stop smiling. Especially because I wrote that half asleep at 11:30 pm. Shh. 

I’m sitting in a starbucks now reading a book called “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” and the girl across from me just turned her laptop to face me and said “would you eat this” it was a 4 foot Kit Kat bar. I think it’s safe to say that I just made a new friend. 

In other news, I’ll most likely be dying my hair a light silver-lavender color! I just have to find someone with the expertise I need. 

I hope you all feel proud of yourselves for something today! If you’re reading this that means you’re awake, you go. 


Jessie :3

Categories: college | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Previously in My Life

Hey World! Alright, I know I said I would keep in touch more and I let you all down again. I am sorry.

However, something monumental has happened. To give you guys a wider insight to my life, it wasn’t always so happy go lucky. I had some bad experiences growing up, being bullied by my terrible, terrible friends and such. Because I had so much pent up sadness and no outlet for any of it, I began turning to the unfortunate measure of self-injuring to deal with my problems. This went on for some time, until I decided I wanted to get better. I told my mom about my habits and was soon sitting in the office of a therapist.

I chose to recover because I wanted to feel happy again. I felt I lost my childlike innocence years before, rather it was taken right out of my hands. I couldn’t remember what sunlight felt like, and getting out of bed each morning terrified me. I wanted to stop feeling so lost all the time, and that’s why I reached out for help.

Some parts of recovery were easy, happy days made me forget about the bad ones, and how could I possibly want to hurt myself when I was finally laughing again? Sometimes getting better was effortless. And then some parts of recovery were excruciating. So many nights I’d stay up worrying or crying until 4 AM, knowing it would be so easy to just slip back under the riptide. I can safely share with you all that I’m 4 years free of self-injury. Picking myself back up has been amazing.

I want you all to know that no matter what you’re going through, you’re gonna be ok. I promise you, you will be ok. Right now someone is thinking of you, and somebody loves you more than you’ll ever comprehend. There are so many sunny days ahead of you that will make any bad experience worth enduring. You’ll get stronger everyday and overcome anything you’re being faced with.

I love you all,

Jessie- the girl who still smiles

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I just realized I never titled this post so I changed it to this

Hello world! How is my favorite planet doing??

This post is brought to you by my iPhone, I’ve never actually blogged on mobile so let’s hope for the best. It’s finally spring break which means I didn’t get out of bed until 11:47 AM today. What a time to be alive :’) I haven’t done anything exciting yet, just exercising a little and visiting my grandma!

I was making coffee earlier and I was all worried that Oliver (my new puppy) didn’t like me very much because whenever I try to hold him he turns into an escape artist whereas he literally gets a first-class ticket to dreamland when my sisters or mom pick him up. So I was thinking about that when I felt something fluffy plop down on my feet and there was Oliver, sleeping on my bare feet. I’ve attached a photo of him so you can absorb his cuteness as well. Another thing that’s been clouding my conscious lately is my hair. I’ve gone through multiple periods of being caught between wanting to transform into Rapunzel, or cut off all my locks. Right now I want to cut it to about my collar bones, maybe a little shorter and get choppy layers. 

Oh and another thing, I want to dye it pink.

WELL, I think I’ll spend some time jamming to pop punk, cleaning my room and making some cool art. Have a great day my wonderful readers! I appreciate you all and hope something exciting and unexpected happens to you real soon! 

Ps here’s a selfie for you


Jessie :3

Categories: college, pets | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

When will I stop procrastinating? The world may never know.

Hello World! How are you this delightful Sunday morning? (rain is falling / steal some covers / share some skin) Did you catch that early 2000’s Maroon 5 reference? Of course you did because you’re musically hip and not uncultured. You go.

Oh my gosh I just missed 11:11. I had literally looked at my phone, it was 11:10, I texted someone, and I missed it. How did I take over an entire minute just to text? I didn’t even say much! Wow I must be a slow texter. Guess I have to wait another 12 hours to make a wish.

Commercial break over. Aaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

I’m in an unexpected great mood today. Maybe it’s just because I got more sleep than I normally do. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately because I just have big assignment after big assignment in school lately, and being at work takes away any free time to mentally charge myself. So just picture an American girl dragging herself to her car with a low batter sign blinking above her head. That is me.

I do however have some great news. Yesterday one of my mom’s friends shared a post on facebook about a new litter of puppies that were rescued from a shelter and brought to a pet store near us. My family and I went there together to “just look” and “consider” getting a new one. Ha. Real funny, Mom you knew exactly what you were doing. Sooooo we’re officially getting a new dog! He’s a 9 week old Beagle-Shetland Sheepdog mutt and is ADORABLE. We named him Oliver and will call him Oli for short. I’m so excited for him, we don’t get to bring him home until Tuesday though. But when he comes here I’m going to take him on walks and let him sleep in my bed and teach him how to roll over and hope that he doesn’t try to eat my hamster.

Things are also going well with my boyfriend! Last night was interesting, we were just hanging out and were about to leave to go to his friend’s house when I started to not feel well and just became really unresponsive. I wasn’t sure what I felt like doing and was preoccupied with worrying over feeling worse once we got to his friend’s house. So then I started crying and he was like NO DON’T CRY IT’S OK and I didn’t want him to look at me with my makeup running and my hair sticking to my black river tears so I just got out of the car and staring walking around. I didn’t even know where I was going but not even 2 seconds later he ran after me and hugged me.

Who does that? I can honestly say I’ve never had anyone go out of their way to make sure I’m ok as much as he does. He’s so wonderful, God I’m so lucky to have him. I hope everyone reading this someday finds someone who makes them feel as special and loved as he does for me.

I’m going to be here for a while longer spending some quality time with my laptop. I have a super fun research essay to continue working on. Super SUPER FUN. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN. 

Well alright, I should probably actually go now before I accidentally break the internet. But it was lovely talking to you, let’s catch up again sometime soon. Love you all.


Categories: college, pets, relationship | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wow look at all this dust on my computer



Sup World, miss me? In all seriousness, I’d like to apologize for how long I’ve been logged off of this site. I didn’t even realize until today that the last time I blogged was when my dog died. I guess between dealing with that, serving caffeinated drinks to crazy customers and trying to be a better student- life just got in the way. I’m taking 5 courses, which averaged out to 18 credit hours this semester. I don’t know if the credit system is used in other countries for education, so for all you exotic readers just know that it’s a lot of homework. And to all my readers from the Land of the Eagle, ya feel me?? Yeah.

I actually have to get to my speech class (which is awesome by the way) in about 10 minutes but before I go, I thought I’d share with you guys that I’m dating someone!! 😀 Gosh, where do I even begin? We met at school, he’s my age, he’s super smart and funny and caring and attentive, he’s tall and has the cutest face I’ve ever seen. He does the sweetest things like, one time *adjusts sitting position* we were on a walk and I was wearing Toms which wasn’t a smart idea considering we live in an arctic tundra, but anyway- there was snow covering some parts of the sidewalk, and I didn’t even ask him to, he just picked me up and carried me over!  :’) We hold hands all the time, it just happens without us even realizing most of the time. He never lets a day go by without making me feel special and that’s something no one else has ever attempted to do. Honestly my lovely readers, I could dedicate an entire blog about this boy and it still wouldn’t be enough to tell you about how wonderful he really is. I’m so lucky to know him.

I should really go to class, but it feels so great to be sipping mediocre coffee in my over heated school and tell you all about the recent escapades of my life. I promise to keep in better touch. If you’re having a bad day, I hope it gets better! And if you’re having a good day, I’m happy things are going well! Smile at a stranger for me today, ok?

Much love,


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The Impending Afro

Hey World!

I don’t remember the last time I blogged and that disgusts me. My dear readers I’m so sorry for neglecting you. I’ll be sending a box of puppies with an apology note attached soon. My winter break is almost over and I’ll be shuffling back to school this coming Wednesday. Although I’ll miss sleeping in and drinking hot chocolate at home all day, I’d say I’m ready to go back.

I’ve been extremely back and forth for the past few months on whether I should cut my hair or not. I’ve been growing it out for around 3 years now, and it’s down to the middle of my back I’d say. Knowing that it took that long to reach this point, I’ve been worried that cutting it to my jaw line is something I’d regret. When suddenly, *heavenly light and angels’ singing* I got an idea. I could just dye it.

So there I was at Target in the hair aisle. I settled for a temporary dye, since this would be my first time coloring my hair and seeing that I’d be doing it myself; it wouldn’t be professional. I spent a little less than an hour in front of the mirror in my bathroom. Listening to music is probably the only reason I remained sane. I managed to pull off an ombre, the color fading from my natural chestnut to a faint red.

It’s temporary, they said. It’ll wash out, they said. NO LASTING DAMAGE, THEY SAID.

I’ll take the blame for this one, I pretty much picked the worst possible time of year to dye my hair. Temperatures in the negatives and chemical treatments simply were more than it could handle. I’ve always had thick hair, but this is a new record. Since my mane dried out so much, it became frizzy and insanely voluminous. Long story short, I’ve been a punk-pop poodle for the past 5 days.

Fear not dear readers, for I may have found the cure. I give to you, wait for it….. *ukulele intro* THE O EXOTIC COCONUT. OIL. All I really need is a deep conditioning, so I rifled though my kitchen cabinet to find a beautiful jar of unrefined coconut oil. My hair smells GREAT. If you close your eyes and stick your face in my over-excited pony tail you might just think you’re in Hawaii. Ok, that’s a lie but it does smell fantastic. ^_^ Real talk though, organic coconut oil has multiple health and beauty benefits that you should all check out!

I’m gonna go back to laying on the floor in the fetal position, take care now!! ❤

Categories: beauty, college | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s so…..SHINY.

*loud wheezing* LOOK AT THIS *holds out palms* Innocent and slightly-afraid bystander: “..There- there’s nothing there, Jessi-” IT’S A NOMINATION. I WAS NOMINATED. *innocent and extremely afraid bystander flees* WHERE ARE YOU GOING *manic laughter*

*clears throat* Um, I’m sorry you had to see that. I was a little.. excited. Ok, let’s just get down to business. *hits elevator button* *is at business level* Excellent. Hello, World! I was recently nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award and this is a post all about it! Enjoy this! I hope! Ok! *projects onto screen*

The rules of the One Lovely Blog Award:

You must thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their blog
You must list the rules and display the award.
You must add 7 facts about yourself.
You must nominate 5 other bloggers and comment on one of their posts to let them know they’ve been nominated.
You must display the award logo and follow the blogger who nominated you.

Naturally, I would first like to thank Apricots and Cream for nominating me. I got her message informing me on a Wednesday night that she chose to nominate me, and I was so excited that I ran upstairs and woke up my sick mother just to tell her. Luckily, she was quite happy for me and therefor not angry that I snatched her out of dreamland. *wipes sweat from forehead* Apocalypse avoided! I was going to nominate Cora right back, until I found out that’s apparently against the rules. *scoffs* Well then. Fine. I’ll abide since I don’t want to hurdle either of our nominations into oblvion. But there’s no rule stating that I can’t talk about her blog! Cora is a wonderful young lady and although I’ve never seen a picture of her, I’m certain that she’s quite beautiful. She’s super dedicated to the blogger lifestyle, constantly making new posts to inform the world about her recent escapades which I adore. Not only does she want to improve her own blogging abilities, but she wants to see others grow as well! She’s my biggest fan. No really, it says so on my stats page. Like, right there. *points* She’s always the first to like and comment my post and her support means the world to me! Let me tell you readers, this girl deserves an award.

Now I have to… *checks rules* List the rules. Already did that. I’m on a roll.
7 facts about me? Well, *hair flip* if you insist.

7 uber facts about me:
1. I will defend pop-punk until the end of the world. I got into this genre of music at the beginning of my senior year of high school, so about a year and a half ago. I would spend my friday nights in my room surfing YouTube (BECAUSE I HAD NO FRIENDS *loud sobbing* just kidding. I stayed home on Fridays because I was so exhausted by the end of the week) One night I stumbled across a band from the east coast, and I was hooked.
2. I love donuts and coffee. I know they’re not the best things I could consume, but man they taste good.
3. Going to concerts is somewhat of a hobby for me. I lost track of how many I’ve been to, but a couple crazy experiences were seeing Sir Paul McCartney front row, and going to 3 different shows in one week. But those are stories for another time 😉 *uses reverse psychology to keep you interested in my blog* Is it working? No? Ok.
4. I have a dog, a hamster and 2 goldfish. They’re excellent company except for the facts that my dog hates me 89% of the time, my hamster is only awake at night and my fish-human interaction is little to none.
5. My eyes are blue and change with my feelings. They’re lighter when I’m happy and darker when I’m sad. LOL MOOD EYES ok I’m done.
6. I believe in reincarnation and the earliest past life of mine that I can remember was in anchient Egypt.
7. I wish we had to post just one more fact about ourselves because 8 is my favorite number. Ah well.

And now for the main event. *drum roll* *drum stick flies out of hand* *hits chandelier* *crashes to ground* *venue is engulfed in flames* Oh, oh no. Uhhh *nervous laughter* well while we wait for the fire brigade to arrive, let’s just, uh, move this pow-wow outside, shall we? *casually guides angry mob through emergency exit* Thank you all for coming, by the way. You look lovely. *drink thrown in face* I probably deserved that. Ok um *digs crumpled paper out of pocket* right.

And the nominees are:
1. Slightly Chilled Porcupine! Hilarious and creative, what more could you want in a blog? Check it out for some cool art.
2. No Talent For Certainty! This writer is constantly posting new poems, many of which I’ve shared with friends.
3. randommusings! I really admire this successful blogger and all that she stands for.
4. OPTIONAL POETRY! If you’re looking for some quality poetry, this is the blog for you.
5. Gotta Find a Home! This blog is very eye-opening to me, showing different perspectives of the world we all may not be familiar with.

If you’re still reading this, here’s some pixie dust for you. *elegantly blows shimmery material toward you* OH JEEZ IT GOT IN MY EYE. IT BURNS. OK I’M LOGGING OFF NOW CATCH YA LATER.


Categories: award | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

What the heck, what happened to all my good books? MooOOoM?!

*peers through microscope* Man, my followers are so pretty. XD Hey, World.

I’m currently sipping warm coffee alone in my bedroom as I listen to the light social buzz originating from my kitchen. It’s my parents’ 20th Christmas party and it’s just as exclusive as the 1st one. It consists of their friends and this is usually the only time I see them all year. I dressed up, and went downstairs to eat appetizers and talk about my recent semester and new artwork at least 8 times in a row. These conversations never seem to branch far from education systems. But, I don’t really know what else I would discuss with my Mom’s college buddies.

I have my final exams this coming Monday and Tuesday and I’ve hardly gotten any studying done. *slides off bed* *closes eyes* I really should study. *opens eyes* Or I could do this. *rolls away into sunset*

I suppose once I hit the publish button I’ll get going on that. Until then, I’ll enjoy my time with my lovely readers. *chortles loudly* *makes prestigious art reference* *raises wine glass* Wait, I can’t have wine, that’s illegal. *sets down glass* Dangit.

Speaking of readers, I’m assuming some of you beautiful people enjoy books? If so, could someone introduce me to a great read? I need a good book? Please? I love you????

But really, I need to study now. Peace and blessings to all, and to all, a radical weekend.
-Jessie, thatgirlwhoalwayssmiles.

Categories: books | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Look, Ma! I’m published!

*Slams hands on computer screen* OH MY GOSH, WORLD. GUESS WHAT.

I was the receiver of wonderful news yesterday and have not quite calmed down. Let me take you back. *psychedelic ripple*

It was a morning like any other, but to an unsuspecting girl that always smiles, it would turn out to be a fateful day. I quite literally threw myself out of bed, shimmied into some skinny jeans, and moseyed out of my house with a thermos of coffee in hand. The sky was clear, and for once I was not in danger of being run over in the college parking lot. I entered my school and was greeted by my wonderful companions. We followed the yellow carpet road to a magical place called Einstein’s Bagels located in our art building, and got a hearty breakfast for the low low price of $3. Sitting down, facing one another on chairs with arm rests (score) I decided to check my email. That’s when it happened. The twist of fate. The turning point. The Universe’s grin. The wrinkle in time. The peanut butter to the jelly. IT. A message from my school’s literary magazine, revealing that I, Jessie, would. Be. PUBLISHED.

My freaking poems are going to be published in a literary magazine to be released later this month. I think I squealed for a solid three minutes. Then I called my mom XD I’m just really ecstatic about this because I’ve been writing since I was 6 years old, but have really only started sharing my work as of this summer. It was the good news I’ve been hoping for ^_^

To add to my wonderful day, I went to a little pottery studio in my town and painted a mug! I decorated it to look like a birch tree forest. When it’s all done with the kiln I think I’ll post a photo of it! I have this new idea that someday when I finally have my own apartment, all of my coffee mugs will be ones that I painted myself. I’m also putting deeper consideration into becoming a high school art teacher. But who knows!!

I hope you all have as wonderful of a day as I did! And if not, hang in there! It’s on the way!!

Much love to you all,

-thatgirlwhoalwayssmiles (But I guess the secret’s finally out that my name is Jessie XD )

Categories: poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments