Posts Tagged With: life

FRIENDSHIP

In my first two years of college I have learned more about friendship than I had from preschool to high school graduation. I didn’t give the subject much thought before, friends were just people you enjoyed being around and told your secrets to. It wasn’t until I seriously started to grow up that I began to analyze how my companions could be impacting my life, both in wonderful and sometimes horrible ways.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something my mom always told me was, “If they’ll gossip to you, they’ll gossip about you.” I always kept it in mind, and the thought grew with me. Even though I was fairly certain (like 99.9% positive) that certain friends would never talk smack about me, I simply didn’t like the ways they would talk about others. I cringe every time someone is called ugly, since childhood it’s just something I never could stomach. I learned that I didn’t want friends who were okay with putting others down, even if they never would put me down. I want to be friends with people who compliment strangers, and talk about how lovely they think our mutual friends are.

I learned that sometimes your friend will have one little habit, one minor quality about them that just irritates you to no end. Maybe they copy the way you dress or they interrupt you multiple times in one conversation. Maybe they act like they love a band more than you do (even thought you’re clearly their biggest fan to ever grace the earth). Sometimes it might even make you really mad at them, but if that one insignificant little pesky quirk about them is seriously the biggest issue in your relationship, that’s pretty darn lucky.

I learned that I should never ever sacrifice my personal growth for someone who refuses to grow. It’s like a race, not a competition, but just something we all run together. You’re doing just fine on the second lap, but your friend keeps slowing to walk. You’re the one who trained for this, you got the right shoes and drank enough water. You’re more than capable of running at your pace yet you keep stopping for them. How is that at all fair? I’ve learned that sometimes I may have to leave someone behind to keep going, but I’ll still have friends who are just one step ahead of me, and I’d love to keep up with them.

I’ve learned that whether it’s a bond with a friend, lover, parent, sibling, teacher, employer or neighbor, a relationship is a relationship. If a boyfriend/girlfriend were constantly making you unhappy or hurting you, you would probably understand that it’s best to end the relationship. Yet when it’s a best friend who’s tearing you apart, for some reason you’ll probably keep giving them chance after chance. I’ve learned that coming to the conclusion of ending a long term friendship sucks more than I can say, but I should never stick with someone simply because I have a history with them. We don’t have the past anymore, all we can do is take the best people into our futures and hope they’ll want to come along.

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Categories: college, life, relationship | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Year’s, New Tears, New…Leers

Raise your hand if you have successfully stuck to your New Year’s resolutions 20 days into 2016.

*exasperated, disgruntled response*

Okay I see that 20 days has deemed too challenging. That’s okay! Being honest, I think resolutions are a little silly. Why do we wait for a year to start to begin making changes in our lives? If we were really serious about altering our realities we would do it the moment we believed we could. Doesn’t matter if it’s the first thing you think of when you wake up on April 4th or if it appeared to you in a dream on October 17th. If you’re really serious about a resolution, don’t wait for January! Just go out and do it!

As long as we’re on the topic of silly things, I happen to think New Year’s in general is silly. Yes time exists but the measurement of time is all man-made. Why do we get dressed up and throw glitter when a year ends? Oh look, it’s midnight. Again. Never seen that happen before. More than anything it’s just an excuse for people to get drunk but we already have a holiday for that. It’s called St. Patrick’s Day. (No I am  not insulting the Irish, I’m Irish myself and I know what goes on. I SEE YOU.)

Many people don’t stick to their resolutions because they’re changes that take gradual steps to accomplish, they’re too big to just happen spontaneously. They’re usually things like “I’m going to lose a lot of weight,” or “I’m going to eliminate all negativity from my life.” Those are great aspirations when needed! But they’re not going to be effortless. I’ve brainstormed some different ideas for making those big resolutions possible.

-Resolution: Become physically fit     Attempt: Works out each day for first 4 days of the year, tries all new diet for a week, starts taking vitamins, gives up quickly.

Whether you’re overweight or lacking serious nutrients, becoming a healthier individual is not something that happens overnight. In order to make lifelong changes, progress will take months and probably years to uphold. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible though! What’s best is to evaluate your daily routine and implement gradual changes into your life a few times a week. It could be dangerous for your body to just begin running frequently or pumping iron, so it’s best to talk to your doctor and see what’s safe for you.

Instead of telling yourself that you’re going to work out every single day and swear off junk food for as long as you live, be a bit more lenient to begin. Try setting aside time to take a walk a few times a week, or lift small weights while you watch TV. Perhaps decide that you will only eat desert 3-4 times a week rather than every single day. Introduce new foods into your diet! Maybe the only reason you aren’t eating enough healthy foods is simply because you have no idea about all the delicious recipes there are. Don’t weigh yourself every single day. That’s obsessive and chances are you’ll just wind up feeling disappointed or discouraged since it takes a long time to actually change your current weight. Instead of marking your goal weight every 2 weeks on your calendar, make broad statements. Just say that you’ll be at ___lbs by May or June.

-Resolution: Defeat the dreaded caffeine addiction      Attempt: Doesn’t drink coffee for two days, suffers serious headache, relapses, is never seen without a latee ever again.

Letting go of coffee is physically and emotionally difficult. Not only do we experience serious cravings for our drink (and can become seriously irritable without it) but knowing that we’re about to drink coffee can seemingly lift our moods and make us excited! Coffee is a beautiful thing but the effects that caffeine intake can have on our lives are not so pretty. It effects our sleep schedule, dehydrates us, and can lead to symptoms of depression or anxiety.

Next time you order coffee, ask for half-caf instead. If you don’t need a pick-me-up and are just wanting coffee, order decaff. Try switching to black tea. It has half the amount of caffeine as coffee does so it’ll wake you up, just not as aggressively. You should also consider trying to start drinking a glass of water for every caffeinated drink you have!

-Resolution: Have better self-esteem      Attempt: ??????

How do you change your life? How do you suddenly just start loving yourself? This is something that people have to learn on their own for the most part, but there definitely are some things that anyone can pick up. First off, adopt this mentality: “If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.” Stop putting yourself down all the time and start complimenting yourself. It could be about anything, maybe you like that your hair is shiny or that your fingers are long enough to be able to play piano. Leave little notes of encouragement around your house. Journal. Sometimes when it comes to confidence, all you can do is fake it until you make it.

As for me, my resolution was been pretty easy to stick to considering it’s just staying vegetarian and I have no desire to eat meat. Even if you haven’t been loyal to the changes you wanted to make, you can always try again or change your approach. If you wait until next year you’ll never get it done!

 

Categories: holidays, New Year's | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To the Girl who is His Next

Over the years I’ve seen a ton of posts on Facebook or Tumblr that are letters written by one person addressed to their ex’s current significant other. In light of recent events I thought I would try it.

To the girl who is his next-

You do not know me, and I may not know of you for quite some time. If he is the same person he was months ago then I would imagine his habits are unchanged and he has a list of spiteful stories about me. I don’t care for what he says about me nor do I care if you believe them. That’s not the purpose behind my intentions. You can ignore this letter if you wish. Tear it in two, burn it, laugh about it with your friends, present it to him as you slide into his car. It doesn’t bother me. 

He’s charming, isn’t he? The depth in his eyes and the way he searched for my touch melted me from the start and I’d imagine he works the same magic on you. He made me feel noticed. I was an apple on a tree. Crowded among hundreds and hidden beneath boughs and boughs of leaves. He climbed the branches and reached for me. Me! I was the one who caught his eye when I didn’t think a trace of sunlight could find me.

I won’t tell you that he’s a terrible person because that’s not the case. I’m not here to list the number of fights we had or tally who caused them. Yes I am the one who ended things but it wasn’t because of anything he did. In the simplest explanation, I felt unhappy and unfulfilled. The feeling that I didn’t belong with him crept into me over the course of months and it was something I couldn’t wash away. I tried to let him know how I felt but it’s clear that my efforts weren’t enough. I thought I was doing the kind thing by waiting to have that conversation with him. I knew that if I confessed to him my doubts he would suffer from that moment until it was over. I was trying to save his happiness and sanity. He probably doesn’t understand that I never meant to be malicious or keep him in the dark, and I really did try everything I could to keep us together. I’m sure he’s probably very suspicious and distrusting of your true feelings for him and I bet if you’re anything like me you put a lot of work into reassuring him. I guess that’s my fault he’s paranoid although I can’t hold responsibility for his current actions. I didn’t bring a single burden of my past to our present even though it would’ve been so easy to do.

He needs a lot of love. Do your best to be patient and understanding, never take too long to text him back and make sure your plans together are your top priority. It’ll save you so much unnecessary trouble later on. I met his nearly his entire family except for his mother. Don’t be afraid to meet her, he always told me she wouldn’t judge me to my face. He’ll never get tired of holding your hand and he loves when you unexpectedly tell him something sweet. But he hates surprises so don’t expect him to wait long before opening presents or letters. He drives fast but he knows what he’s doing and won’t purposefully put you in danger. Don’t fret over wearing makeup around him, he’ll still tell you you’re beautiful and chances are he won’t even detect a difference. His eyes are bigger than his stomach so it’ll very helpful to just share meals with him at restaurants. He boxed for years and loved it but it left him with awful back pain. Rub his back near his shoulders when it gets really bad. Take plenty of photos and text him old ones when he’s having a bad day. It makes him feel better every time. Hold his face in your hand and let him fall asleep on you.

Above all, be honest with him. Even though he might get upset initially, after a while he’ll come to his senses and begin to do whatever it takes to fix a problem. Meet him halfway and appreciate all that he does. He’ll give you everything he’s capable of if you let him. He’ll remember every moment with you and cherish even the horrible ones. I wish you both well. I hope you get to know each other better than he and I allowed us to. I hope he is happy, and I hope you are happy being with him. I hope you love each other and I hope fate doesn’t ask to tear you apart. I hope he is what you have waited for and more.

Sincerely,

His last

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Be Nice 2 Me

Hello World! 

Today I went to work as I do every Saturday morning. I went through the normal routine of folding laundry, sweeping floors, making phone calls – that kind of thing. Today things were a bit different because I got yelled at by two different clients. 

Why? One man yelled at me because he wasn’t clear in what he was asking and got frustrated extremely quickly when I didn’t give him the answer he was expecting. Another woman was furious because a stylist had to cancel her appointment which, I get it. I totally understand why she would be upset but I don’t understand why she had to take it out on me – the receptionist. 

None of it was enough to embarrass me or make me cry at work and I’m not going to go to bed worrying over what I did wrong to make someone so angry. I’m just confused over why it can be so hard for some people to just be nice. Maybe it’s just because as far as I can remember I have never ever yelled at someone like that. 

I could spend all day wondering how some people can just openly be rude, but then I think about all the kind things you could do to brighten someone’s day (who perhaps just got yelled at during work). 

-Always hold open the door for someone.

-Say thank you if someone takes you out to eat, yes even your parents. They like gratitude too. 

-Put some change in the tip jar. 

-Go back and tell the barista how much you loved the drink they made you. (Trust me as an ex-barista, this one can really make your day.)

-Compliment an artist’s work, even if you don’t know them, actually especially if you don’t know them. 

-Invite people to be in your picture. 

-Give specific compliments. (You have a nice jaw, that color looks great on you, I like your voice, you remind me of a daisy, I like your opinion on ___, etc) 

-Be an attentive passenger seat driver. Check blind spots with them and tell them when it’s safe to go. 

-Visit someone at work. 

This list is so short but it could go for pages and pages. I think sometimes we forget how far a little kindness could go, and I just wanted to remind you all that you can make a huge difference without even trying. I hope you all are having a great summer. 

Love – Jessie

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Hiking boots? I have knock-off Vans, does that count? No? Ok. 

Hello world! 

I just thought I’d show you some pretty pretty pictures from the last few days of my road trip. 



Seeeeeee? Pretty. Just like your face. 

So the first photo was taken at Yellow Stone park. I’m not sure there’s anything quite like it in the world, at least nothing I’ve yet seen.  We hiked in zigzags up and down mountains surrounded by trees overlooking waterfalls and saw herds of bison everywhere. One even was walking on the road, holding up traffic and it sauntered right past our car. We could’ve reached out and touched it if you know, there wasn’t a chance of it angrily ramming our Honda. 

The second photo was taken in the Teton Mountains in Wyoming. They’re my dad’s favorite mountain range and I guess it runs in the family because they’re my favorite too now. We met some friendly bikers along the way and I thought they complimented the landscape perfectly. I’m not much of a heat person so the 55°F weather was perfect to me. 





And this final photo was taken at a coffee shop I just visited! They roast their own beans and the floor is decorated with different antique coffee bean sacks. I got a vanilla lattee as usual. 

So that’s what I have for now, dear readers. I hope your week is as cool as you. 

Love,

Jessie 

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Oh you found my journal ok

As promised, here’s a poem I’ve written. 

I don’t know that I believe in soul mates anymore. I know that you were my light, a little star I tossed into the sky to make my night a little less dim. I know that I followed you, and I wished on you with every meander and dead end. What I don’t understand is how eight years were forgotten through a single phone call. I never really felt alone until my only company were your footprints on the beach, and I never really felt small until I realized how vast the ocean was without you swimming beside me. I thought I cut my heel on a shard of glass, but it was only another one of your promises. 

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Can I lay on your couch and talk about my problems

Yesterday I did something I told myself I would never do ever again – I went back to therapy.

My mom believes my boyfriend is bad news, and insisted that if I wouldn’t talk to her or my dad about anything the least I could do was tell a therapist. At first I was mad, like, really mad. I stormed out of my parents’ room and flopped face-first onto my bed. I’m in college, why did my mom think it was acceptable to schedule an appointment with a therapist for me without even asking me if that’s something I wanted? Then I realized that most times people who need therapy go because they’re being forced to attend. Maybe this actually was something I needed.

By morning I felt better and reluctantly agreed. I’d go for my mom so she could have some peace of mind. I don’t plan on being a mother any time soon, but as I grow up I’m beginning to understand what it must feel like to be a parent. My doctor’s office was only a town away and took me about 15 minutes to reach. I was thankful that I could drive myself there, it gave me a greater sense of independence. I passed coffee shops and bookstores on my way, delighted at how adorable the downtown area was. I entered the office and handed over my insurance information, then filled out legal forms.

As she opened the door, my therapist looked exactly as I remembered her 3 years ago. Her short layers flared out at the ends and she wore a floral scarf over her blazer. I was impressed at how much she remembered about my life, from my grades in high school to family vacations. We shared small talk about college and our new puppies, then a melancholy silence reminded us of the real reason I sat on her sofa.

I told her about my relationship, the way things slipped out of our hands before we knew what was happening. She told me it was evident that after just 3 months of dating someone I had grown tremendously. She was appalled at how I felt I was wasting all of his time, nothing was wasted she said. We talked for an hour, then I signed a check and she scribbled in her calendar. I’ll be seeing her again next week.

It took a few days and multiple cups of tea for me to realize that going to therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. I attended it for 5 years in the past and took a 3 year break, and that’s fantastic. I’ve made so much progress with my old struggles, and I just so happen to be facing a new obstacle. Kudos to my readers who keep in touch with a therapist as well.

So much love,

Jessie

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“Your current situation is not your final destination”

My life has been a whirlwind lately to say the least. I put too much on my plate thinking I could handle it all, but 3 jobs, my first year of college and a relationship were more than I initially bargained for.

I’ve worked at a cafe for well over a year, and have helped out a family by babysitting their two children during the week and sometimes weekends. The cafe paid me minimum wage, and it seemed like every time I came home at night with coffee in my hand, I was complaining about my shift more than anything. My dad informed me one day that a salon was in need of a new receptionist, and suggested I look into it. I got an interview, and was soon making phone calls and sweeping up the snipped off locks of hair on the floor. So there- more money.

In order to graduate college within 4 years, I had to sign up for multiple classes, adding up to 18 credits just from my spring semester. I worked hard. Harder than I ever did in high school. I stayed up late to write papers and woke up early to review for a math quiz. I’d scramble to finish lab reports in my hour between classes and never skipped in the entire year. Finals came and grades were posted, I achieved a 4.0 GPA. So there- good grades.

I met a boy around February. We went to the same school and one day he asked me if I would meet him at a Starbucks. I loved the way he wore hats backwards and how he’d ask me if he were annoying me when he rambled on about technology and alternative rock bands. He held my hand when we drove around in his car and he was always the first person to say ‘Good morning’ to me. I always said I could never date a smoker, but when he smoked it didn’t bother me. After going on dinner dates in the city and watching movies in my basement we decided to make it official. So there- my first boyfriend.

People saw me as a hard-working young adult. I managed to do it all! Yep. I dragged myself between jobs for a little bit of money and made it through essay after essay with the motivation of anxiety attacks. Everyone liked the pictures I posted of my boyfriend and I, saying how we were so cute together and they were all so happy for me. Well I’m glad they had their happiness because I’ve been losing mine.

They saw my relationship status change months ago, but no one was around to witness the 2 incidences where we almost went back to being single. No one stepped in to break up the fights that led to our fall out, and no one noticed the bright blue color of my eyes fade to a dull grey. Maybe I’m just good at makeup.

I’ve been dealing with chronic infections for the past 2 months, and I never realized until now how good health truly is a gift. I’ve been praying to get better, and the other night I meditated with spirit candles and healing crystals. I felt a force sway my stable body from side to side, and I watched myself pass through the universe.

Things have been hard, but I’m determined to see the best of my journey. It’s all a learning process, and I have to believe that this will all help me grow. I’ll keep smiling and making others smile in return.

Much love,

Jessie

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Who Air You

My school year is being reduced to its last 3 weeks. I can’t believe I’m almost done with my first two semesters of college, it seems like just yesterday I was a sophomore in high school wearing too many bobby pins in my hair and being rejected by every school play. 

My class had conferences with our English professor today, and she told me the synthesis I wrote was the best she’s read in her teaching career. I couldn’t stop smiling. Especially because I wrote that half asleep at 11:30 pm. Shh. 

I’m sitting in a starbucks now reading a book called “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” and the girl across from me just turned her laptop to face me and said “would you eat this” it was a 4 foot Kit Kat bar. I think it’s safe to say that I just made a new friend. 

In other news, I’ll most likely be dying my hair a light silver-lavender color! I just have to find someone with the expertise I need. 

I hope you all feel proud of yourselves for something today! If you’re reading this that means you’re awake, you go. 

Love,

Jessie :3

Categories: college | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why am I always writing an essay

The Morning Scene

wwwoooooooowww *pulls blankets over face* wwwwwooooooowww *hurls alarm clock at window* *window breaks* *cold air enters* wwwwoooooowww *is very cold* *doesn’t want to get up* *falls out of bed* wwwwoooowww.*exit thatgirlwhoalwayssmiles*

Did you enjoy my play? I’m guessing by the abundance of roses being chucked at me that you did. O THX UR SO SWEET.

Wow, I’m actually becoming a college maniac I think. The transformation is nearly complete. But really, I’ve just been working myself to the bone for the past few weeks. Waking up early, going to school till the afternoon, working till night and then somehow a miracle washes over my life and gives me enough energy to write another essay. How? Magic.

Luckily today is my last day of classes and working for the week! Then I get to host Thanksgiving once again 😀 I hope my mom makes even more food than she did last year. She always says that if she makes too much, people won’t eat it. Um hello, have you met your daughter? No? Alright.

I’m in the computer lab at school as per usual because I was racing against the clock to finish an essay 40 minutes before class. Typical me. Then I realized that my class actually didn’t start for another hour, so I sat here for a while, some people stared at me, I stared back to establish that I was the weirder one, and then I thought, ‘Hey, wordpress.’ And now I am here. I just held in a sneeze woah that was a weird sensation.

BRB FIRE ALARM IS GOING OFF LOVE YOU BYE

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